Cheers and Concerns

I want to apologize for the tone of this post right now. Usually I try to post upbeat, silly and positive messages and updates. But I can't help being human too, and feeling a little mixed emotions. 

Today was great! Easton took over 20 steps without falling! It was amazing! Then, just to prove it wasn't just a fluke, he took another walk of 12 steps, then 14! It has been such a great day for him.

But tomorrow he'll go back under the knife for another surgery. His kidneys still are not draining properly, so the docs will open him up and see what is wrong. 

While I'm grateful for modern medicine and the amazing things doctors can do and find out and fix, it is so hard to hand him over to the doctor and see the look of abandonment on his face as the doctor takes him away for another surgery. Then knowing that he may lose the great advances he has made in walking for awhile as his body recovers and tries to remember how to work right.

It is all for his good. He needs the surgery, the doctors say. And he'll bounce back and probably develop quicker as his body functions better. All these are great arguments, and true. But in the end I'm just a dad, handing his scared little son over to a stranger who will take him to a strange place and hurt him with needles, make his mind fuzzy and leave him aching, not knowing what happened to him and why his father abandoned him.

And yet, is that any different from a Heavenly Father who knows exactly how a son or daughter will suffer in mortality, yet still He sends His children to a strange place, where they will be hurt, confused and aching with desire to return home? He knows it is for our good that we experience this test. He loves us enough to allow us to be hurt, and suffer, knowing it will help us develop and become who we are supposed to be. 

Yet I can't help but wonder if He, too, shed a tear or two as He watched a doctor take us from a place of safety, by His side, to a dark and dreary world. I'm certain there were tears of joy as well, knowing that we too would develop more quickly and function better with our mortal bodies than we were able to as only spirits. He, too, shed tears.

I'm convinced that we are given mini experiences in this life so we can, in a small way, understand how He feels. That He truly is our Father.

Cheers and Concerns? Yes. And maybe a little Understanding of a Heavenly Father's love.